The Mystery of Emojis.

In this modern world of fast living, we need to communicate at top speed. What better way to do that than with an emoji? But in my opinion, this method of speed communicating only confuses matters. Because emojis = code. Not nice, mathematical code used in computing, but dreaded social code. Dun, dun duuuuunnnn! (50's horror music underscore).

I'll walk you through a few emojis and what they mean to me. And for the record, I've zoomed in on them for a proper diagnostic.

😀 This one is straight forward. Happy.

😁 Happy but with closed eyes. Is this because one is secretly happy?

😂 Sad. Crying. I have been subsequently told that this is laughing so much that you cry.

😅 Secretly happy but sweating. Or happy that it's raining.

😋 Yummy. I understand food related things.

😍 You've seen something you love. Or is it someone? Can you only send this to your partner?

😘 Cheeky love pout. I assume cheeky kiss.

😗 Pout. Duck face.

😙 Closed eyes duck face. Though you're likely to get your selfie wrong if you do this.

😚 Does the addition of eyebrows change the meaning? Scouse brow? Duck face. Closed eyes. Failed selfie.

☺ Retro face? Send to the older generation only?

🤗 Jazz hands blushing face.

🤔 In thought. Or angrily telling someone to look where the finger is pointing.

😐 Emotionless. The most confusing face in the world.

😑 Asleep? Annoyed emotionless? Is that even possible?

😶 This guy is going to be hungry. Why is there no mouth? What does that mean?

🙄 Look up.

😏 Arrogant. I know better than you. The sort of look when you've finished your homework before everyone else and you know it's good.

😣 This guy must be struggling with a bowel movement. Why so pained?

😥 Sad. Or surprised. Or you might be sad it's raining?

😮 Surprised. Or singing an 'O' sound.

🤐 Shut up! I've been sent this one before.

😯 Surprised with eyebrows. Do the eyebrows change the meaning?

😪 Sad it's raining? Or water coming out of your nose.

😫 About to sneeze.

😛 Just eaten a chilli? His eyes are too happy. Maybe just being a bit rude or cheeky.

😜 Checking to see if the person you were being rude/cheeky too has noticed.

😝 This must be the chilli one.

😒 Sad but checking to see if someone has noticed. So probably not really sad, but needing attention.

😔 It looks like prayer or meditation to me.

😕 Not sure face.

🙃 This is just mean. Why is this a face option to send to people?

😲 Surprised. Something big has just gone by. Surprised rabbit?

☹ Angry.

🙁 Angry but a little saddened by the anger.

😤 Aggressive. Anyone snorting out air that heavily is being aggressive. Or maybe they're straining? Or wincing as two little gloved hands poke his invisible nostrils.

😭 I'm going to assume this means crying a lot. But it looks like war paint to me. A la Braveheart. FREEEEEEDOOOOOOM!!!!

😬 Cold. Teeth chattering.

😰 Worried about the rain. Or the fact your head is turning blue.

😱 Screaming. Only because I get the cultural reference.

😳 Embarrassed.

😵 Drunk? Tired drunk. Noughts and crosses face?

😡 Angry.

😠 Angry but not red. So less angry.

😈 Naughty.

👿 Sad naughty. Or sad because you're naughty?

👻 Spooky, cheeky, one eye bigger than the other ghost. Celebrating because his hands are raised.

👽 Alien.

🤖 Robot.

💩 Poo.

I appreciate that some of these are straightforward. However I would question as to why you would send them. Are you sending an alien because of your fear of the unknown or because you've tried something new or both?

Why would you choose to use these as a method of conversation? Why do we feel compelled to express ourselves through a stock selection of yellow faces? Some with blue on. I know I've sent an emoji or two in the past. A heart here or a flag there. The odd cake for a birthday or a baby for those friends of mine who have recently had a child. Even a penguin (as I love them so) to those I care for. But not to express how I feel about a given situation as texting is vague enough as it is. I would merely be commenting upon that given circumstance.

Happy birthday = Cake.

Congratulations = Champagne bottle.

You've got a new child = Baby.

You are my good friend = Penguin.

Maybe consider using actual words rather than these guessing games. If you're happy, tell me. If you're angry, tell me. Life will be so much simpler for me if you do. I might even send you a penguin in gratitude.