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Speak As You Find

I'll start by saying a massive thank you for those who took the time to read the previous blog published by The Glass House Girls. It was an amazing feeling to be published and read by so many. You can read it again by clicking on the link.

In my personal crusade to think better about people, I find the phrase 'speak as you find' to be rather useful. Lots of people have firm opinions about certain subjects, issues and people and are happy to express them. This is a good thing. It's quite helpful for me, especially on the social front, to have people I know telling me how they feel about certain other people. It is a good guide. However, from personal experience this is how it must remain. A guide. Often times I've entered into a new social experience only for my guide to be totally wrong. As a result, I walk away from the social experience feeling disorientated, confused and worse still, there will be this huge sense of doubt as to what happened, what to do next and as a result of my obsessive over analysis, a sense of betrayal from the person who gave me their opinion in the first place.

'Speak as you find' or 'SAYF' as it shall henceforth be referred to (despite how uncomfortable that spelling of 'safe' makes me feel) is in equal measure, a guide. There have been times when I've found someone to be ever so lovely to talk to and be around only to discover that I'm completely wrong about them. I have purported others to be both awful and lovely in equal measure, only to discover that they are the polar opposite of my initial findings. The awful person is now marvellous and the lovely person a demon in human form. History is littered with examples of this. Hitler may have been a delight to have around for dinner, but I think we can all agree wasn't a nice guy.

So you see that SAYF, isn't...safe. On one hand, it allows you to judge people for yourself and act accordingly, on the other hand, it makes you depend upon your social radar and ability to read and understand others. As an Aspie, my social radar is already out of whack. I can't completely depend upon it. If my social radar were a toaster, I would take it back to the shop and ask for a new one.

I have no solution. What option do I have but to trust others around me and occasionally even myself. Otherwise, I'd just stay at home, live life as a shut in and play computer games. Doesn't sound that bad actually. However, despite all my feelings toward my social skills, over the years I've come to regard myself as someone who likes to socialise. Or rather, needs to socialise. So I'll have to trust others and hope for the best.

Perhaps I'm not doing the SAYF theory much justice. After all, those with the best social radars are sometimes betrayed. Speaking of others as you find them is the decent thing to do. It's a great starting point for future encounters. If the person in question turns out to be an utter horror, at least you've given them a chance, and in turn if the person in question surprises you by proving your initial findings wrong, the surprise is a welcome happenstance.

Perhaps SAYF isn't safe, but it is positive. Isn't that what the world needs?


©2016 by Greg Last - Asperger Dad